Do you sound weak? In this video, I give you examples of unconfident speaking styles. These are expressions people use when lacking in confidence about themselves and their opinions. We will be looking at indirect language: speaking with disclaimers, evading opinions, making oneself small, being doubtful of oneself, and being afraid to speak one’s mind. While it is sometimes necessary to communicate in an indirect way for the sake of politeness, it’s important to know how to speak in a more confident way too. When you communicate in a confident way, you are able to lead other people and to make a good impression. Learn about unconfident speaking styles in order to stop sounding weak!
Next, watch my video about TOXIC LANGUAGE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruLxkg2Jgys&t=0s&index=5&list=PL-Q2Xro-OWKe-pXnqtUKfD2Gpsbpu6Gl7
TRANSCRIPT
i, everyone. In this lesson we’re going to look at ways our language shows that we’re not very confident people, and it shows that we’re afraid to give our opinions in case we upset someone or they get angry at us, or we offend them because we have a different opinion. And without realizing it, many of us soften and change our language, and use particular phrases so that we seem to agree with more people and we say everything politely. In some situations, this is a good thing because this means using our words with tact; using our words in a way that respects other people, but sometimes if we use this language all the time, it’s because that shows us as being weak people who can’t give an opinion about anything, and who are afraid to speak their minds. So we’re going to look at examples of the kind of language where we… We lack confidence. And we’ll go through some examples, starting with speaking with disclaimers. When you speak with disclaimers; before you get to what you really want to say, you go around it slowly first because you’re scared to upset someone or disagree with them.
So we’ll start here. Let’s imagine the situation: You want to give your opinion about your friend’s shoes. She’s decided to wear green shoes, and you just don’t think they look good with that outfit she’s wearing – that pink dress; it doesn’t look the best thing you’ve ever seen but you want to show that, unlike your friend, you disagree that it’s a good thing, you could say: „This is just my opinion but I don’t think those green shoes look the best with that pink dress.” And when I say it like that, it’s a sensitive way to disagree. And for an issue about shoes, it’s not a big deal; it’s not going to make you sound really weak. So it depends on the situation that you’re talking about.
The next situation, here: „You might disagree but…” Imagine there’s an issue where you think one thing and someone else you know thinks something else; you have opposite opinions. An example could be: You think it’s unhealthy for children to eat chocolate every day, and you don’t think they should. And, in fact, you’ve got a son and you don’t want him to eat chocolate every day, but the son’s grandma might disagree and think it’s good for children to eat chocolate all the time. You could say: „You might disagree but I don’t think kids should eat chocolate all the time, every day; it’s unhealthy for them.”
Moving on: „I’m not a professional but…” And: „I’m no expert but…” We can use these phrases when we’re in a situation where it looks like… It seems like the other person there has got more experience than us. Perhaps it’s… They’ve got a proper job, and perhaps we’re just an intern. So we want to say something, but we’re also thinking: „Oh, I could be wrong”, before I say that. So, here’s an example: I’m wearing a microphone, here. Let’s imagine this wasn’t on the right way, and I’m the intern and I realize that, I could say something like: „I’m no… I’m no expert but shouldn’t the microphone be the other way around?”
Or the same situation: „I’m not sure if this is always the case, though in my experience, those microphones usually go that way around.” And the reason we would say… In this situation I gave then, the reason I would say that very carefully is because in that situation there might be a reason that we don’t have a lot of authority there. We might really know everything; we might really know our stuff, but because we don’t officially work there or we’re not an important person, we have to use our words in more careful ways. And also, we might be afraid about being wrong, so we don’t want to say the wrong thing.
Here’s some other examples: „It might just be me but…” We can say this if we happen to disagree with the other… With the other people around us. We could also say: „Perhaps I misunderstood”, and: „Forgive me if I’m wrong but…” All these examples we could use in a situation similar to the microphone example where we… Where we… We think something different, but we’re not 100% certain. […]
